A Different Approach

I have been very stressed lately. It seems like I can't get away from the stressors that just keep popping up, one after another. Just when I think that just maybe I am catching a break, something else comes up that seeks to increase my blood pressure.

My last entry was supposed to be a long, drawn out rant, one in which I was to list everything that was contributing to the grey hair that hopefully wont show up until I'm at least 50. But I discovered that that isn't exactly what I need right now. A negative approach in my writing is not what will help improve my mood. Instead I am going to try a completely different approach. I am going to write about something positive. The positive energy that is going to flow will brighten my mood and help me better deal with the stressors I am facing.

For that reason, I am going to make this entry a tribute to my best friend M.

I am an only child, and M is not, so it might not be fair to say that I love him like a brother, because he has a brother, and I don't, so how the hell would I know what brotherly love feels like? But I do love him like a brother, and he might be the closest thing to a big brother I've ever had.

M is a few years older than me, but still he never judges me based on my age. He doesn't think that what I have going on in my life is insignificant or "nothing compared to (insert older person's bitching point here)".

As does occur in all relationships, friendship included, I have fucked up and done things that have made him angry, yet he has forgiven me every time. The same goes for me forgiving him. It just comes naturally.

I am all for balance, and some of my friends are immature. Some of them live to party and drink and fuck. M isn't like that. He brings a level of maturity to my circle of friends that is often something in which I take refuge when I can't take the immaturity anymore. I can always count on him for a legitimate conversation.

We have a tremendous amount in common. We share a common thread about which we both know a lot. And yet there are differences in our interests and activities that give rise to opportunities for him to open my eyes to things I never knew about, and for me to do the same for him.

M is my best friend, hands down. Sometimes other friends of mine try to say that they are better friends, but that shows their jealousy and insecurity. The reason I know he is my best friend is because he doesn't have to seek reassurance of that fact by putting down my other friends, he just knows it.

220/140

That would be my estimation of my average blood pressure during the last few weeks.

It just seems like day after day, stressors pop up, one after another.

Loud, obnoxious people. People who think they are above the rules. People who get special treatment. Supid formalities. It all just drives me crazy.

New Chapter

The interest has been there for ten plus years.

The calling has been there for almost as long.

The solid decision to do it was made over two years ago.

The counter dedicated to it that I put on my Myspace reads 56 days and 50 minutes.

I can officially say that I start the process in "a month and...".

I cherish everything I have written about in this blog, and I will continue to just post about my life, but very soon, and since I don't post too often here, probably over the course of the next 2 or 3 posts, the content of this blog will shift significantly.

I am referring to joining the rescue squad.

I read the blogs of many providers, but I realize that very very few of them were actually in existence when the author actually started their career in EMS. My blog will be different.

My application will go in on my 18th birthday: January 25, 2010. Less than 2 months from now. I a couple of friends in the fire department that the squad is a part of, and they tell me that I should be a member my March. From there my life will change significantly. I will be chronicling every step of the way. Sometime between now and when I put my application in, I will do a post that really tells the story of how I became fascinated with emergency medical services. I will report every phase of my application process and when I finally get in, this blog, and my currently nonexistent (or at least silent) readers will be some of the first to know.

A new chapter will begin over the course of my next few posts. I hope you all enjoy it as much as I plan to.

Them.

My mother has Epilepsy, and while it's well controlled with surgery and medication, it wasn't always that way. Before 2002, she had poorly controlled seizures and from time to time they would require hospitalization. When she had grand mal seizures I would sometimes have to help her if no other adults were around. I knew what to do, and was able to stay calm for the most part, but I never fully felt in control of the situation. It was always such a relief when rescue finally arrived. Let them handle it, I would say to myself, and I would go outside, trusting the EMS team fully to manage the situation.

Last year my dad got very sick. Twice in one week I had to call rescue to our house to take him to the hospital. I felt better prepared to help than I did when my mother was having seizures, but still, when EMS arrived, I stepped back and let them handle it. Let them handle it, I thought to myself, and I went in another room.

Now I struggle with the question that needs to be answered sooner or later. Am I ready to be "them"?

I plan to put in my application to become one of "them" in a couple of months. But am I ready? Can I be one of the ones who must stay in that room with that person in their moment of crisis while their family members think Let them handle it, and stand outside?

I sure hope so.

First impressions

I have learned a very important lesson in my 17 years on earth. That lesson is well, never judge a book by its cover. I can be judgmental, though I try not to show it. I quickly form first impressions, sometimes based on the wrong things, such as other people's opinion of the person. This was the case with L.

"Nobody likes L", "L is a bitch", etc. And I had a brief conversation with L and from that 10 minutes I decided that I didn't like her.

A couple of months later (about 2 weeks ago), I had a conversation with L that lasted over 2 hours, and if there is one thing I learned, it's that she is a beautiful person. Few others I have met have the compassion, empathy, or pure intentions that she possesses. I truly admire her and I have found that I really do like her and like talking to her.

L is not the only person with whom I have experienced this. Never have I given someone a chance and not come away from the experience with a new appreciation for and a new understanding of that person. Sometimes, as in L's case, I come away from the experience with a new respect and genuine admiration and liking for the person.

To L, you are a beautiful person and I am sorry I judged you before I really knew you. You can be sure that I have a whole new respect for you and I look forward to talking to you in the future!

Too proud to admit it but...

I find myself often using this blog to say things I either wont or can't say in "real life".

I got my first ever call from a recruiter tonight, right as dinner was ending. As soon as the Sgt (I think that's what he said) said he was from the US Marine Corps, I hung up the phone. I didn't say "No thank you". Just "uh yea..." and that was it.

My Dad said I should have politely said no thanks and goodbye. I said something like let me handle it I'm old enough to get called by them I'm old enough to handle it.

The truth is I know I could have and should have handled the call better. The way I handled it was, ultimately, downright disrespectful. To that Marine Corps Sergeant, I'm sorry. Thank you for your service to this nation, and I regret what I said/did to you. Please take comfort in the fact that this taught me a lesson.

Now I'm getting all paranoid that they're going to draft me just because I was rude to one of their recruiters. Ok rational Tim says: "You're crazy. They get hung up on and probably worse every single day countless times. They aren't going to draft you just because you did that. Only a lottery decides who goes and who doesn't anyway. Don't be silly. And don't be disrespectful."

The reason I was so short with the guy was because I have heard horror stories about people being harassed incessantly by military recruiters despite the fact that they said they weren't interested. In that moment when I was on the phone with him I had a mini panic. I didn't know what to say or do and just automatically switched into telemarketer handling mode and hung up...yeah. Not the right thing to do.

I know I will get called again. I will handle it better next time. I'm sorry. I really am.

Goodbyes.

Just a heads up- this was written a couple of weeks ago. Computer problems and lack of time made it impossible to post it any sooner.

I have learned that I hate goodbyes. Goodbyes that are forever, or or a really long time. Or goodbyes that you know are going to mean not seeing someone nearly as much as you used to.

It's a distressing feeling, to know that despite all the "we'll be in touch" and "of course I'll see you soon, you're my friend on facebook", you know that it's goodbye for a reason.

A left Taco Bell. She got a better job, and I'm happy for her. She is such a nice girl and this new job suits her more. Not such a hectic pace. Not *quite* as much corporate greed will be her problem. I know I will see her again. Probably numerous times. I will probably keep in touch with her for years to come, but still, I will not see her as often as I did in the past, and that hurts.

Quoting Gregory and the Hawk:

"...You can sky rocket away from me, and never come back if you find another galaxy, far from here, with more room to fly, just leave me your stardust to remember you by...You can set sail to the west if you wan to, and past the horizon, 'till I can't even see you, far from here, where the beaches are wide, just leave me your wake to remember you by..."'

It's my realization that many goodbyes are the result of people finding that other galaxy, with more room to fly.

I have stardust to remember her by. She taught me how to make miniature versions of menu items, and that is one thing that will make me think of her, always. Plus I have the butt from the cigarette she gave me. I hope I still have it, that is. If not, the mini food is enough.

Another Goodbye, one that's ongoing, is my goodbye to summer. The warm nights, crickets chirping. Lazy days at the beach. It’s all coming to a close. And although I know it will be back, I hate to see it all go.

Goodbye A, and goodbye summer.

Bullshit

She is the focus of alot of bullshit. Should she be, I don't really know. But in this great country, one is innocent until proven guilty, and nobody has proven anything at this point.

When I first saw her I immediately felt she didn't belong where she was--entrenched in the mess of uneducated, ignorant, inconsiderate people. She was too quiet, too nice, to pure for that.

When I joined the group she was part of, I learned about her. Some of the ignorami said she wasn't so pure and honest. Some of the ignorami warned me about her. Yet I still find her to be the nicest one of the group.

My conversation with her last night allowed me to really get her side of things. She maintains her innocence, and in my heart, something tells me to believe her.

I am practical and scientific, so I do give my head significantly more weight than my heart. So I know that my heart is not always right, but I have a feeling it might be this time.

I hope she can learn not to take any crap, while maintaining her genuine niceness, gentleness, and honesty.

Time machine

Dear Time Machine,

They told me I can use you one time. I can go back to one place in the past or future with you. Well, I'm not really sure exactly where I want to go.

I want to go back to the time when my dad and I spent lots and lots of time together and went almost everywhere together.

I want to go back to the time when I saw my dad's side of the family was still glued together by Nanny. I miss all of us being together as much as I miss her herself.

I want to go back to the time when summer nights were spent listening to the crickets under a cloudless star lit sky.

I want to go back to the time when everything was still new. I'm a little crispy after 17 years doing this job (life).

I want to go back to the time when a married couple was simply "2 people who loved each other".

I want to go back to the time when there was not a single person who criticized my desire to be an FFE.

I want to go back to the time when beer tasted bad.

I want to go back to the time when EMTs and firefighters were superhuman.

I want to go back to the time when the golden rule made perfect sense.

I want to go back to the time when a new park or playground was a new world.

I want to go back to the time when a bicycle was my main mode of transportation.

I want to go back to the time when I didn't know what a pedophile was.

I want to go back to the time when I believed in Santa Clause, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy.

I want to go back to the time when life was easy and simple.

I want to go back to the time when I believed in magic.

I want to go back to the time when being 17 was far, far, far away.

My Favorite

Good friends around a small but steady bonfire. Cool summer night air warmed right where we are by the lazily dancing flames. Cold, refreshing drinks, alcoholic or otherwise. Perhaps a cigar once in a while. The sound of crickets and the quiet crackle of the fire serving as the perfect background noise behind easy, free flowing conversation. Fireflies in the night all around. The sense of peace that comes when you know you are among good friends.

While I love to party, drink till I fall down, get wild, this is till my favorite thing to do with my friends. It’s our bonding time. It keeps us talking about everything, and anything. I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Sorry, world.

Death/New Life

A part of me died when I saw someone kill a firefly. They have always been a symbol of summer and innocence and childhood wonder, and seeing someone deliberately stomp on one was like seeing the magic of summer be crushed.

A part of me died when I realized I wouldn't be able to watch the fireworks the way I have every 4th of July before this one. And the reason is a reminder that I am not a child anymore. I have to work at peak fireworks time. I want to see the fireworks.

A part of me died the first time a girl asked me to have sex with her. I realized others viewed me as an adult. It's a good thing she did it via text message, because I sobbed.

As parts of us like those die, we have to recognize the parts of us that are just coming to life.

A part of me died when I saw that firefly get stomped on. But a part of me came to life because I realized how precious summer and childhood really are and I am better prepared to protect them within myself and others.

A part of me died when I realized I'd be working through the fireworks, missing most of them. But a part of me came to life because I realized that my professional life growing and some day, not too long from now, I'll have a job I won't mind working at on a holiday.

A part of me died when that girl wanted me to fuck her. But a part of me will someday come alive when I will fuck somebody, and that will result in me getting to revisit childhood all over again in the form of my own kids.

I still feel sad, but there's hope there too.

Back to the Basics

Since I was six years old I have wanted to be in emergency services. For the last 11 years I have dreamed of the day when I would finally be able to join my local rescue squad. In the last few years, the desire to do so has really deepened, and now that I can join in a little less than seven months, I am really excited.

I want to be an EMT because I function well in emergency situations. I have worked in both paid and unpaid positions in animal care for years, and have dealt with countless life and limb threatening emergencies. I have always felt comfortable and in control in these situations, and have been able to "turn myself off" in situations where what I was seeing bothered me. It just comes naturally to me. I have also dealt with numerous human medical emergencies, and have always been able to function and deal with the situation effectively without panicking. Additionally, I am very interested in the health care profession and feel that EMS is a good way to get my foot in the door and see if that field is for me.

I have wanted to be an EMT for over 10 years. The prospect of becoming a firefighter as well has only recently become something that I am considering. My current plan is to join rescue and then later on transfer to a fire company. I have been advised against this by numerous people. They say that the rescue only people don't get as much respect. The rescue only people don't have as much fun. Transfering to a fire company later is difficult and cumbersome. I would like being a firefighter better.

Heres something I think they're overlooking. There is a difference between the roles of EMT's and firefighters! Someone who wants to save the life of a heart attack patient is not necessarily interested into running into burning buildings! There is a world of difference between the two roles, no matter how similar they may be in some other ways and no matter how important it is for them to work together. They are two different roles and I am not necessarily interested in the role of a firefighter as much as I am in that of an EMT.

Just to clarify, I have the utmost respect for all the members of my local fire department. They are all wonderful people and I believe that those who tell me I should be a firefighter really do believe that I would like it better. And maybe I would. I don't know yet. But one thing I do know is that I have wanted to be an EMT for many years, and that is what I am going to be.

So...

I have dated 5 girls. Ofcourse I think about all of them from time to time- it's only natural. But there is only one about whom I think with any interest beyond the physical.

I need not say who she is, only that I think about her every single day. They time during which we were going out did not just happen to be the time when we were going out, it-for me atleast- was defined by the fact that we were going out. That time was hands down the best time of my entire life, and I'll be honest, I blew it. It was entirely my fault that I'm sitting here writing this and not talking to her on the phone telling her how much I love her. But you have to cut me some slack- I was pretty messed up from my previous relationship and I just happened to pick an amazing girl for a rebound relationship.

I'll be honest. I fall easily for girls based only on the physical side of things, and I love hooking up, and I am content do to that, no strings attatched, no relationship. But for there to be more there is one quidity that must be there. And that essential element is easy, open, flowing conversation that guides itself and doesn't need coaxing. By that I mean we can talk for literally hours, never sit there going hmm.. ummmm... now what? It just comes naturally. No need to ask awkward questions to make the conversation move a little better. We had that. And I talked to her well over a year after we broke up, and we still had that. Oh, did I mention we were friends first, and that before we dated, we had that too?

We volunteered together at an animal facility- that's how we met (I've dated 3 girls from that place, so it doesn't give anything away). We used to fool around and flirt instead of doing our work. It was the most fun I think I've ever had. The smell of the cleaning product that the facility used still reminds me of her, and one scent in particular, the one that especially reminds me of her, actually almost makes me cry when I smell it.

I miss you so so much and I'm sorry for the mistakes I made. I was messed up from another relationship and I didn't understand what I was doing. I know you're not reading this, but I'll say it anyway- I love you.

Kandace!!!

I often think about how different things could be if one small event had not happened. I realize that the way things are in my life-- everyone's life, for that matter, were almost not the way they are. I feel that many good (and bad) things almost did not happen. Let me use an example of how my friend yelling "Kandace!!!" changed my life for the better.

I've known my friend Rachel forever. We always have great times together and I consider her one of my best friends. One day we went for sushi lunch and on our way back she saw someone walking far ahead of us. She thought she knew the girl, and called to her loudly: "Kandace!!!"

I had only seen Kandace's facebook profile once, and all I knew about her was that she was in the fire department.

I have no reason to include the details about what transpired after Rachel called out to Kandace, all that is important is that Kandace is now a very good friend of mine and we see eachother almost every day.

Through Kandace I met and became friends with Merrick, who I hang out with all the time as well.

Bottom line- if Rachel had not yelled "Kandace!!!", I would have missed 2 of my very best friends, and my life would be extremely different than it is now. It's just a mind boggling thought, how close I came to missing the chance to share my life with these 2 wonderful people. In a sense, had I never met Kandace and Merrick, nothing bad would have happened. I would never have known they were potential friends of mine (before meeting them I was indeed aware that they existed). I would not have felt like I was missing out, but maybe in a way I would have. It takes significant maturity to understand that when it comes to friends, it really is quality, not quantity. Throughout my life I have never had many friends, and for many, many years I was never old enough to realize that that did not matter. I had my very small group of friends to whom I was very close, but I always took issue with the fact that I was not "popular" and didn't have 40 friends all vying for my attention. I thought the "cool kids" had it so good- all those friends! But now I realize that while having many friendly aquaintances is a good thing, you should not have to count on your toes when you are counting your true friends. I am perfectly happy with the true friends I have, and I can count them all on one hand. So although this post was originally about how we miss our life experieces by a hair, it has evolved into one I hereby dedicate to my best friends: Rachel, Kandace, Merrick, Charlie. You four are the best, and I love you all.

Alright, I'm doing it. This is going to be a long ass drawn out post. Nobody reads this crap anyway, so who gives a fuck.

In my cell phone I can send a text message to up to 10 people at a time. Since I started my job at a fast food restaurant, which is considered a high robbery risk place, I have thought of robbery scenarios that could go on time and time again. I was thinking, say they came in, stuffed us all in the walk in freezer, or under the desk in the office, or in a corner or something. If I thoguht it was safe, I would take out my phone and text 10 people and 10 people only a simple message- all that I would care for them to know if it were the last thing I said to them- "I love you". I have thought hard and long about who those people are, and here's my list.
1. Mom
2. Dad
3. Rachel
4. Kandace
5. Merrick
6. Charlie
7. Darlene (cousin)
8. Aunt Toni
9. Grandma
10. Lissette (friend- we've had some problems lately and aren't really speaking, but I would want her to know that I really did love and care about her very much)

Those 10 people would get that message if it were the last thing I did. I would not mind dying as much if I knew that the last those people heard from me was that I loved them.

When someone dies, you often miss the little things about them, the little things that came along with them. My dad doesn't drink milk. He just doesn't, hes not allergic or anything, just doesn't drink it. Instead he drinks Silk soy milk. Sometimes my mom complains about having to buy it, and how expensive it is, and how he gets pissed when she forgets to get it for him, considering she works in a grocery store (not in the you better do this wife beater kind of way, just in the uughhh kind of way). She made a joke at dinner tonight that if my dad died, she wouldn't have to buy soy milk anymore. I said I would not be able to have a refrigerator without soy milk. I would continue to buy it just because I couldnt't bear not seeing it in there when I opened the fridge. She just didn't get it. She almost talked about that whole situation like it really would be a good thing if something happened to him. Somehow, in that moment, I realized that I did not feel the same way about the prospect of the absence of her bottles of starbucks coffee that line the kitchen cabinets.

Lesson Learned

I drank way too much last night. And I feel so bad because I didn't do it with people that I've known all my life or anything like that, I actually did it while in someone's house for the very first time. We havent been friends for long and he invited me and my friend over to hang out and I made a complete ass out of myself. I spilled drinks all over the floor, fell half a dozen times, and did lots of other stupid things I don't even remember. I knew better. I even said I wouldn't get that bad. I guess I forgot how much gets me 'that bad'. Now I know.

I had about 9 drinks. 3 Smirnoffs and 6 beers. I was drunk but still functional after my 5th drink, so I should have stopped there. It actually would have been more fun if I had stopped there. If it was my house or my back yard or if it were ok for me to get that drunk I wouldn't feel so bad, but I was in someone's home for the very first time and I made a complete fool out of myself.

I'm sorry. And you can rest assured, I give you my word, it will never, ever happen again. I promise. I hope you can forgive me and invite me back to your house. I'll understand if you don't want me drinking there again, but either way, even if you do trust me that way again, I won't screw up again.

Why?

It'll be a Monday night. Maybe a Wednesday. I will take the night off from my meaningless and menial job at Checkers or Wendy's or somewhere like that. I'll have butterflies in my stomach for sure, but I'll be looking forward to it. It'll be the culmination of something that has been stirring in me for over ten years.

I'll walk up to the big brick building, pull open the old wooden door and go in. I'll put one foot on the staircase and pause. Can I really do this? What's going to happen? What if it goes horribly wrong? I'll get myself together again and walk with confidence up those stairs.

Someone will meet me in the hallway upstairs. He'll shake my hand, welcome me, and take me to where I am to be grilled.

Things will proceed as you will, but then the investigative committee will ask me the most important question of the night: "Why do you want to join the fire department?"

The last eleven years of my life will flash, and my mind will race for a moment and then it'll all become clear as it was a year earlier as I wrote on my blog about this very day.

"There are afew reasons" I'll say. "First, througuout my life since a very very young age I have been fascinated by fire and EMS, and I want to help people and I feel my ability to stay calm under pressure and manage stressful situations well would mesh very well with my interest in emergency services, and it would be a great way to serve the community. Also, the rescue squad has helped several of my family members, and I've always wanted to be able to give back. And another big reason is that even though I've wanted to join for a long time, when my friend Kandace started bringing me around the firehouse, I really discovered how much I just love the whole culture of the fire department, the whole crowd. I just love it."

I can't say what they'll say after that. But I know I'm going to say something along those lines. Because I do love emergency situations, and I love to help people, and I do love the culture of the FD. I was there until almost 2 am today and thoroughly enjoyed every minute of it. I can't wait to become a part of it. I just love it.

Mark

There was this kid that I knew only online, but I considered him a good friend nonetheless. We used to talk all the time, but about a year ago he sort of fell off the end of the earth and we didn't talk anymore.

On Monday night I was looking at his myspace page, for the first time in about a year, and noticed that he hadn't logged on since March 14, 2008. I looked at his top friends and clicked on one of them, and her headline was "RIP Mark March 14, 2008". I was absolutely shocked.

I went to his cousin's myspace page and found myself reading the story of someone whose life had been thrown into turmoil and chaos by the loss of his best friend and cousin, Mark. Since Mark's death he had gotten in trouble with the law and changed in ways that had cost him friendships that he desperately needed more than ever after Mark died. He and mark had done everything together, fought like brothers, gone places, gotten in trouble together, had the kind of fun only best friends can.

It was just so sad to see what the loss had done to Mark's cousin and the rest of his family as well. I'm still depressed about the whole thing, and I wish I'd taken the 2 minutes now and then to leave a comment on Mark's myspace or send him a message or something.

Read these 2 first
http://www.newsday.com/news/local/suffolk/ny-liside0103,0,147229.story

http://www.wpix.com/landing/?Two-Men-Arrested-in-LI-Teens-Death=1&blockID=175375&feedID=1404

I know that was alot to take in, and now you get to hear me rant about it.

I have worked in both paid and unpaid positions in animal care for quite a long time, and in that time I've seen plenty of animals die. After a while it didn't really bother me except for one type of circumstance: when young animals died.

It's always been the same with hearing about kids dying. I just dont like hearing about young people dying before their time. It saddens me deeply. It just doesn't sit well with me when I hear about a young person dying.

Even though Garrett went to my school, I didn't know him, although my girlfriend did. Still, I feel the loss all the same. And the "what if's" fly around in my head. What if he had called for a ride or stayed at a friends house? What if he had been found sooner? What if he hadn't drank the alcohol at all? What if he had not been given the alcohol in the first place? What if someone had had better judgement than to give vodka to a 14 year old boy?

He should still be here. Maybe he would have gotten in trouble for drinking, but atleast he'd be around to take the beating. He should be around to give love to his family and receive love from them and hang out with his friends and go to the beach and go to concerts and parties and enjoy life. He should be here.

It just really bothers me. It's just not right.

Happy New Year!!!

I want to keep this post short. I'll give you a heads up- I am under the influence of alcoholic beverages and I therefore may make spelling and gramatical errors that i am in no mood to correct, and probably wont be in any mood to correct in the next 24 hours either, when i finally wake up.

So 2009 is here. I had a great time tonight. I went to my friend kandace'sshouse at around 8 in the evening and didnt leave till after 1 am. we played 2 rounds of beer pong, one was me and my girlfriend vs kandace and her friend dawn, and the other was just me vs kandace. my team/me lost both times lol. it was still fun. then we did shots. jack and vodka and whatnot. kandaces friend dawn was the only one to vomit. i made out with my gf quite a bit.

we missed the ball dropping.. idk waht whapppned. i guess we were tood runk.. like a minute before we deffinitely knew it was just a minute left and then all of a sudden it was 2009 and we were like wtf... so we rewinded the tv and watched it again llol. we set off fireworks and blew horns and did crazy shit outside while shitfaced.

if there is any actual meaning to this post ill say this.
2008 was a year of mixed emotions, challenges, changes, struggles, triumphs, and trials and tribulations. for myself and my family it was a trying year, but at the same time i actually going to say that it was one of the best years of my entire life. alot of good things happened. i got my drivers license, i made new friends, i got into a relationship for the first time in a long time, i partied more in this year than in my entire life before and even tho i did alot of bad ass stuff and even got in trouble a couple of times both with my parents and the cops.. i ddont regret one single thing i did as far as drinking and other indulgences. it was all worth it and im going to continue idc what anyone says.

if anyone is reading this id like you to comment answering the following- for your yourself, what were the 3 best events of the year and what were the 3 worst? overall, what would your rating be for the year from 1-10 with 10 being the best? lastly, 2 part question- were you able to keep any of your resolutions for 2008? what are your resolutions of 2009?

i'll answer- 3 best things this year
1. I made lots of new friends this year and grew quite a bit socially.
2. I had alot of fun- partying, laughing, just hanging out more than ever .(a fair amount of that fun being made possible by the fact that i got my drivers license in july)
3. I discovered who I was quite a bit this year. i discovered who my true friends were and what my crowd is and where i fit in and where i dont.

3 worst things:

1. Both of my parents got sick this year. they were both hospitalized and the ambulance came to my house not once but twice.. my dad had complications after surgery in the spring and then just afew weeks after he finally got back to work he tore his rotator cuff and was out of work for over a month undergoing intensive physical therapy and on high doses of NSAIDS. my mom contracted MRSA and was out of work for 8 days and was on topical, oral and IV antibiotics and was seen in the hospital for it.
2. i lost my job 3 days before xmas this year. it sucks not having any job and no money.
3. i discovered my true weakness in the academic area of mathematics and how much grief it could cause me... thats somthing thats going to coipntinue into 2009 unfortunately

overall i would say the good far outweighed the bad. on january 1 of 2008 under the influence of alcohol i made many many many many many new years resolutions that included but were in no way limited to ; get in shape, stop being late to school, and HAVE A BLAST IN 2008. well when it all boiled down i still hadnt hit the gym and i was still arriving 20 minutes late to school every day.. but i DID have a blast in 2008 and i truly enjoyed myself. having a blast in 2008 wwas t the only resolution i managed to keep and therfore.. my resolution for 2009... HAVE A BLAST THIS YEAR!! when im sober ill do a post abotu why i think most new years resolutinos are a load of crap.

as a whole overall rating- id rate 2009 at an 8. i really really enjoyed the year and once again, even tho i was no angel this year i dont regret any of the badass stuff i did at all .im very happy with how the year went and i hope my family can be healthier in 2009!

to everyone- happy new year and a happy and healthy healthy healthy 2009 to you and your family!!! take care of yourselves and your families and above all, HAVE A BLAST!!!!!!!!!!