A part of me died when I saw someone kill a firefly. They have always been a symbol of summer and innocence and childhood wonder, and seeing someone deliberately stomp on one was like seeing the magic of summer be crushed.
A part of me died when I realized I wouldn't be able to watch the fireworks the way I have every 4th of July before this one. And the reason is a reminder that I am not a child anymore. I have to work at peak fireworks time. I want to see the fireworks.
A part of me died the first time a girl asked me to have sex with her. I realized others viewed me as an adult. It's a good thing she did it via text message, because I sobbed.
As parts of us like those die, we have to recognize the parts of us that are just coming to life.
A part of me died when I saw that firefly get stomped on. But a part of me came to life because I realized how precious summer and childhood really are and I am better prepared to protect them within myself and others.
A part of me died when I realized I'd be working through the fireworks, missing most of them. But a part of me came to life because I realized that my professional life growing and some day, not too long from now, I'll have a job I won't mind working at on a holiday.
A part of me died when that girl wanted me to fuck her. But a part of me will someday come alive when I will fuck somebody, and that will result in me getting to revisit childhood all over again in the form of my own kids.
I still feel sad, but there's hope there too.
Friday, July 3, 2009
Back to the Basics
Since I was six years old I have wanted to be in emergency services. For the last 11 years I have dreamed of the day when I would finally be able to join my local rescue squad. In the last few years, the desire to do so has really deepened, and now that I can join in a little less than seven months, I am really excited.
I want to be an EMT because I function well in emergency situations. I have worked in both paid and unpaid positions in animal care for years, and have dealt with countless life and limb threatening emergencies. I have always felt comfortable and in control in these situations, and have been able to "turn myself off" in situations where what I was seeing bothered me. It just comes naturally to me. I have also dealt with numerous human medical emergencies, and have always been able to function and deal with the situation effectively without panicking. Additionally, I am very interested in the health care profession and feel that EMS is a good way to get my foot in the door and see if that field is for me.
I have wanted to be an EMT for over 10 years. The prospect of becoming a firefighter as well has only recently become something that I am considering. My current plan is to join rescue and then later on transfer to a fire company. I have been advised against this by numerous people. They say that the rescue only people don't get as much respect. The rescue only people don't have as much fun. Transfering to a fire company later is difficult and cumbersome. I would like being a firefighter better.
Heres something I think they're overlooking. There is a difference between the roles of EMT's and firefighters! Someone who wants to save the life of a heart attack patient is not necessarily interested into running into burning buildings! There is a world of difference between the two roles, no matter how similar they may be in some other ways and no matter how important it is for them to work together. They are two different roles and I am not necessarily interested in the role of a firefighter as much as I am in that of an EMT.
Just to clarify, I have the utmost respect for all the members of my local fire department. They are all wonderful people and I believe that those who tell me I should be a firefighter really do believe that I would like it better. And maybe I would. I don't know yet. But one thing I do know is that I have wanted to be an EMT for many years, and that is what I am going to be.
I want to be an EMT because I function well in emergency situations. I have worked in both paid and unpaid positions in animal care for years, and have dealt with countless life and limb threatening emergencies. I have always felt comfortable and in control in these situations, and have been able to "turn myself off" in situations where what I was seeing bothered me. It just comes naturally to me. I have also dealt with numerous human medical emergencies, and have always been able to function and deal with the situation effectively without panicking. Additionally, I am very interested in the health care profession and feel that EMS is a good way to get my foot in the door and see if that field is for me.
I have wanted to be an EMT for over 10 years. The prospect of becoming a firefighter as well has only recently become something that I am considering. My current plan is to join rescue and then later on transfer to a fire company. I have been advised against this by numerous people. They say that the rescue only people don't get as much respect. The rescue only people don't have as much fun. Transfering to a fire company later is difficult and cumbersome. I would like being a firefighter better.
Heres something I think they're overlooking. There is a difference between the roles of EMT's and firefighters! Someone who wants to save the life of a heart attack patient is not necessarily interested into running into burning buildings! There is a world of difference between the two roles, no matter how similar they may be in some other ways and no matter how important it is for them to work together. They are two different roles and I am not necessarily interested in the role of a firefighter as much as I am in that of an EMT.
Just to clarify, I have the utmost respect for all the members of my local fire department. They are all wonderful people and I believe that those who tell me I should be a firefighter really do believe that I would like it better. And maybe I would. I don't know yet. But one thing I do know is that I have wanted to be an EMT for many years, and that is what I am going to be.
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