Death/New Life

A part of me died when I saw someone kill a firefly. They have always been a symbol of summer and innocence and childhood wonder, and seeing someone deliberately stomp on one was like seeing the magic of summer be crushed.

A part of me died when I realized I wouldn't be able to watch the fireworks the way I have every 4th of July before this one. And the reason is a reminder that I am not a child anymore. I have to work at peak fireworks time. I want to see the fireworks.

A part of me died the first time a girl asked me to have sex with her. I realized others viewed me as an adult. It's a good thing she did it via text message, because I sobbed.

As parts of us like those die, we have to recognize the parts of us that are just coming to life.

A part of me died when I saw that firefly get stomped on. But a part of me came to life because I realized how precious summer and childhood really are and I am better prepared to protect them within myself and others.

A part of me died when I realized I'd be working through the fireworks, missing most of them. But a part of me came to life because I realized that my professional life growing and some day, not too long from now, I'll have a job I won't mind working at on a holiday.

A part of me died when that girl wanted me to fuck her. But a part of me will someday come alive when I will fuck somebody, and that will result in me getting to revisit childhood all over again in the form of my own kids.

I still feel sad, but there's hope there too.