I drank way too much last night. And I feel so bad because I didn't do it with people that I've known all my life or anything like that, I actually did it while in someone's house for the very first time. We havent been friends for long and he invited me and my friend over to hang out and I made a complete ass out of myself. I spilled drinks all over the floor, fell half a dozen times, and did lots of other stupid things I don't even remember. I knew better. I even said I wouldn't get that bad. I guess I forgot how much gets me 'that bad'. Now I know.
I had about 9 drinks. 3 Smirnoffs and 6 beers. I was drunk but still functional after my 5th drink, so I should have stopped there. It actually would have been more fun if I had stopped there. If it was my house or my back yard or if it were ok for me to get that drunk I wouldn't feel so bad, but I was in someone's home for the very first time and I made a complete fool out of myself.
I'm sorry. And you can rest assured, I give you my word, it will never, ever happen again. I promise. I hope you can forgive me and invite me back to your house. I'll understand if you don't want me drinking there again, but either way, even if you do trust me that way again, I won't screw up again.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Why?
It'll be a Monday night. Maybe a Wednesday. I will take the night off from my meaningless and menial job at Checkers or Wendy's or somewhere like that. I'll have butterflies in my stomach for sure, but I'll be looking forward to it. It'll be the culmination of something that has been stirring in me for over ten years.
I'll walk up to the big brick building, pull open the old wooden door and go in. I'll put one foot on the staircase and pause. Can I really do this? What's going to happen? What if it goes horribly wrong? I'll get myself together again and walk with confidence up those stairs.
Someone will meet me in the hallway upstairs. He'll shake my hand, welcome me, and take me to where I am to be grilled.
Things will proceed as you will, but then the investigative committee will ask me the most important question of the night: "Why do you want to join the fire department?"
The last eleven years of my life will flash, and my mind will race for a moment and then it'll all become clear as it was a year earlier as I wrote on my blog about this very day.
"There are afew reasons" I'll say. "First, througuout my life since a very very young age I have been fascinated by fire and EMS, and I want to help people and I feel my ability to stay calm under pressure and manage stressful situations well would mesh very well with my interest in emergency services, and it would be a great way to serve the community. Also, the rescue squad has helped several of my family members, and I've always wanted to be able to give back. And another big reason is that even though I've wanted to join for a long time, when my friend Kandace started bringing me around the firehouse, I really discovered how much I just love the whole culture of the fire department, the whole crowd. I just love it."
I can't say what they'll say after that. But I know I'm going to say something along those lines. Because I do love emergency situations, and I love to help people, and I do love the culture of the FD. I was there until almost 2 am today and thoroughly enjoyed every minute of it. I can't wait to become a part of it. I just love it.
I'll walk up to the big brick building, pull open the old wooden door and go in. I'll put one foot on the staircase and pause. Can I really do this? What's going to happen? What if it goes horribly wrong? I'll get myself together again and walk with confidence up those stairs.
Someone will meet me in the hallway upstairs. He'll shake my hand, welcome me, and take me to where I am to be grilled.
Things will proceed as you will, but then the investigative committee will ask me the most important question of the night: "Why do you want to join the fire department?"
The last eleven years of my life will flash, and my mind will race for a moment and then it'll all become clear as it was a year earlier as I wrote on my blog about this very day.
"There are afew reasons" I'll say. "First, througuout my life since a very very young age I have been fascinated by fire and EMS, and I want to help people and I feel my ability to stay calm under pressure and manage stressful situations well would mesh very well with my interest in emergency services, and it would be a great way to serve the community. Also, the rescue squad has helped several of my family members, and I've always wanted to be able to give back. And another big reason is that even though I've wanted to join for a long time, when my friend Kandace started bringing me around the firehouse, I really discovered how much I just love the whole culture of the fire department, the whole crowd. I just love it."
I can't say what they'll say after that. But I know I'm going to say something along those lines. Because I do love emergency situations, and I love to help people, and I do love the culture of the FD. I was there until almost 2 am today and thoroughly enjoyed every minute of it. I can't wait to become a part of it. I just love it.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Mark
There was this kid that I knew only online, but I considered him a good friend nonetheless. We used to talk all the time, but about a year ago he sort of fell off the end of the earth and we didn't talk anymore.
On Monday night I was looking at his myspace page, for the first time in about a year, and noticed that he hadn't logged on since March 14, 2008. I looked at his top friends and clicked on one of them, and her headline was "RIP Mark March 14, 2008". I was absolutely shocked.
I went to his cousin's myspace page and found myself reading the story of someone whose life had been thrown into turmoil and chaos by the loss of his best friend and cousin, Mark. Since Mark's death he had gotten in trouble with the law and changed in ways that had cost him friendships that he desperately needed more than ever after Mark died. He and mark had done everything together, fought like brothers, gone places, gotten in trouble together, had the kind of fun only best friends can.
It was just so sad to see what the loss had done to Mark's cousin and the rest of his family as well. I'm still depressed about the whole thing, and I wish I'd taken the 2 minutes now and then to leave a comment on Mark's myspace or send him a message or something.
On Monday night I was looking at his myspace page, for the first time in about a year, and noticed that he hadn't logged on since March 14, 2008. I looked at his top friends and clicked on one of them, and her headline was "RIP Mark March 14, 2008". I was absolutely shocked.
I went to his cousin's myspace page and found myself reading the story of someone whose life had been thrown into turmoil and chaos by the loss of his best friend and cousin, Mark. Since Mark's death he had gotten in trouble with the law and changed in ways that had cost him friendships that he desperately needed more than ever after Mark died. He and mark had done everything together, fought like brothers, gone places, gotten in trouble together, had the kind of fun only best friends can.
It was just so sad to see what the loss had done to Mark's cousin and the rest of his family as well. I'm still depressed about the whole thing, and I wish I'd taken the 2 minutes now and then to leave a comment on Mark's myspace or send him a message or something.
Friday, January 2, 2009
Read these 2 first
http://www.newsday.com/news/local/suffolk/ny-liside0103,0,147229.story
http://www.wpix.com/landing/?Two-Men-Arrested-in-LI-Teens-Death=1&blockID=175375&feedID=1404
I know that was alot to take in, and now you get to hear me rant about it.
I have worked in both paid and unpaid positions in animal care for quite a long time, and in that time I've seen plenty of animals die. After a while it didn't really bother me except for one type of circumstance: when young animals died.
It's always been the same with hearing about kids dying. I just dont like hearing about young people dying before their time. It saddens me deeply. It just doesn't sit well with me when I hear about a young person dying.
Even though Garrett went to my school, I didn't know him, although my girlfriend did. Still, I feel the loss all the same. And the "what if's" fly around in my head. What if he had called for a ride or stayed at a friends house? What if he had been found sooner? What if he hadn't drank the alcohol at all? What if he had not been given the alcohol in the first place? What if someone had had better judgement than to give vodka to a 14 year old boy?
He should still be here. Maybe he would have gotten in trouble for drinking, but atleast he'd be around to take the beating. He should be around to give love to his family and receive love from them and hang out with his friends and go to the beach and go to concerts and parties and enjoy life. He should be here.
It just really bothers me. It's just not right.
http://www.newsday.com/news/local/suffolk/ny-liside0103,0,147229.story
http://www.wpix.com/landing/?Two-Men-Arrested-in-LI-Teens-Death=1&blockID=175375&feedID=1404
I know that was alot to take in, and now you get to hear me rant about it.
I have worked in both paid and unpaid positions in animal care for quite a long time, and in that time I've seen plenty of animals die. After a while it didn't really bother me except for one type of circumstance: when young animals died.
It's always been the same with hearing about kids dying. I just dont like hearing about young people dying before their time. It saddens me deeply. It just doesn't sit well with me when I hear about a young person dying.
Even though Garrett went to my school, I didn't know him, although my girlfriend did. Still, I feel the loss all the same. And the "what if's" fly around in my head. What if he had called for a ride or stayed at a friends house? What if he had been found sooner? What if he hadn't drank the alcohol at all? What if he had not been given the alcohol in the first place? What if someone had had better judgement than to give vodka to a 14 year old boy?
He should still be here. Maybe he would have gotten in trouble for drinking, but atleast he'd be around to take the beating. He should be around to give love to his family and receive love from them and hang out with his friends and go to the beach and go to concerts and parties and enjoy life. He should be here.
It just really bothers me. It's just not right.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Happy New Year!!!
I want to keep this post short. I'll give you a heads up- I am under the influence of alcoholic beverages and I therefore may make spelling and gramatical errors that i am in no mood to correct, and probably wont be in any mood to correct in the next 24 hours either, when i finally wake up.
So 2009 is here. I had a great time tonight. I went to my friend kandace'sshouse at around 8 in the evening and didnt leave till after 1 am. we played 2 rounds of beer pong, one was me and my girlfriend vs kandace and her friend dawn, and the other was just me vs kandace. my team/me lost both times lol. it was still fun. then we did shots. jack and vodka and whatnot. kandaces friend dawn was the only one to vomit. i made out with my gf quite a bit.
we missed the ball dropping.. idk waht whapppned. i guess we were tood runk.. like a minute before we deffinitely knew it was just a minute left and then all of a sudden it was 2009 and we were like wtf... so we rewinded the tv and watched it again llol. we set off fireworks and blew horns and did crazy shit outside while shitfaced.
if there is any actual meaning to this post ill say this.
2008 was a year of mixed emotions, challenges, changes, struggles, triumphs, and trials and tribulations. for myself and my family it was a trying year, but at the same time i actually going to say that it was one of the best years of my entire life. alot of good things happened. i got my drivers license, i made new friends, i got into a relationship for the first time in a long time, i partied more in this year than in my entire life before and even tho i did alot of bad ass stuff and even got in trouble a couple of times both with my parents and the cops.. i ddont regret one single thing i did as far as drinking and other indulgences. it was all worth it and im going to continue idc what anyone says.
if anyone is reading this id like you to comment answering the following- for your yourself, what were the 3 best events of the year and what were the 3 worst? overall, what would your rating be for the year from 1-10 with 10 being the best? lastly, 2 part question- were you able to keep any of your resolutions for 2008? what are your resolutions of 2009?
i'll answer- 3 best things this year
1. I made lots of new friends this year and grew quite a bit socially.
2. I had alot of fun- partying, laughing, just hanging out more than ever .(a fair amount of that fun being made possible by the fact that i got my drivers license in july)
3. I discovered who I was quite a bit this year. i discovered who my true friends were and what my crowd is and where i fit in and where i dont.
3 worst things:
1. Both of my parents got sick this year. they were both hospitalized and the ambulance came to my house not once but twice.. my dad had complications after surgery in the spring and then just afew weeks after he finally got back to work he tore his rotator cuff and was out of work for over a month undergoing intensive physical therapy and on high doses of NSAIDS. my mom contracted MRSA and was out of work for 8 days and was on topical, oral and IV antibiotics and was seen in the hospital for it.
2. i lost my job 3 days before xmas this year. it sucks not having any job and no money.
3. i discovered my true weakness in the academic area of mathematics and how much grief it could cause me... thats somthing thats going to coipntinue into 2009 unfortunately
overall i would say the good far outweighed the bad. on january 1 of 2008 under the influence of alcohol i made many many many many many new years resolutions that included but were in no way limited to ; get in shape, stop being late to school, and HAVE A BLAST IN 2008. well when it all boiled down i still hadnt hit the gym and i was still arriving 20 minutes late to school every day.. but i DID have a blast in 2008 and i truly enjoyed myself. having a blast in 2008 wwas t the only resolution i managed to keep and therfore.. my resolution for 2009... HAVE A BLAST THIS YEAR!! when im sober ill do a post abotu why i think most new years resolutinos are a load of crap.
as a whole overall rating- id rate 2009 at an 8. i really really enjoyed the year and once again, even tho i was no angel this year i dont regret any of the badass stuff i did at all .im very happy with how the year went and i hope my family can be healthier in 2009!
to everyone- happy new year and a happy and healthy healthy healthy 2009 to you and your family!!! take care of yourselves and your families and above all, HAVE A BLAST!!!!!!!!!!
So 2009 is here. I had a great time tonight. I went to my friend kandace'sshouse at around 8 in the evening and didnt leave till after 1 am. we played 2 rounds of beer pong, one was me and my girlfriend vs kandace and her friend dawn, and the other was just me vs kandace. my team/me lost both times lol. it was still fun. then we did shots. jack and vodka and whatnot. kandaces friend dawn was the only one to vomit. i made out with my gf quite a bit.
we missed the ball dropping.. idk waht whapppned. i guess we were tood runk.. like a minute before we deffinitely knew it was just a minute left and then all of a sudden it was 2009 and we were like wtf... so we rewinded the tv and watched it again llol. we set off fireworks and blew horns and did crazy shit outside while shitfaced.
if there is any actual meaning to this post ill say this.
2008 was a year of mixed emotions, challenges, changes, struggles, triumphs, and trials and tribulations. for myself and my family it was a trying year, but at the same time i actually going to say that it was one of the best years of my entire life. alot of good things happened. i got my drivers license, i made new friends, i got into a relationship for the first time in a long time, i partied more in this year than in my entire life before and even tho i did alot of bad ass stuff and even got in trouble a couple of times both with my parents and the cops.. i ddont regret one single thing i did as far as drinking and other indulgences. it was all worth it and im going to continue idc what anyone says.
if anyone is reading this id like you to comment answering the following- for your yourself, what were the 3 best events of the year and what were the 3 worst? overall, what would your rating be for the year from 1-10 with 10 being the best? lastly, 2 part question- were you able to keep any of your resolutions for 2008? what are your resolutions of 2009?
i'll answer- 3 best things this year
1. I made lots of new friends this year and grew quite a bit socially.
2. I had alot of fun- partying, laughing, just hanging out more than ever .(a fair amount of that fun being made possible by the fact that i got my drivers license in july)
3. I discovered who I was quite a bit this year. i discovered who my true friends were and what my crowd is and where i fit in and where i dont.
3 worst things:
1. Both of my parents got sick this year. they were both hospitalized and the ambulance came to my house not once but twice.. my dad had complications after surgery in the spring and then just afew weeks after he finally got back to work he tore his rotator cuff and was out of work for over a month undergoing intensive physical therapy and on high doses of NSAIDS. my mom contracted MRSA and was out of work for 8 days and was on topical, oral and IV antibiotics and was seen in the hospital for it.
2. i lost my job 3 days before xmas this year. it sucks not having any job and no money.
3. i discovered my true weakness in the academic area of mathematics and how much grief it could cause me... thats somthing thats going to coipntinue into 2009 unfortunately
overall i would say the good far outweighed the bad. on january 1 of 2008 under the influence of alcohol i made many many many many many new years resolutions that included but were in no way limited to ; get in shape, stop being late to school, and HAVE A BLAST IN 2008. well when it all boiled down i still hadnt hit the gym and i was still arriving 20 minutes late to school every day.. but i DID have a blast in 2008 and i truly enjoyed myself. having a blast in 2008 wwas t the only resolution i managed to keep and therfore.. my resolution for 2009... HAVE A BLAST THIS YEAR!! when im sober ill do a post abotu why i think most new years resolutinos are a load of crap.
as a whole overall rating- id rate 2009 at an 8. i really really enjoyed the year and once again, even tho i was no angel this year i dont regret any of the badass stuff i did at all .im very happy with how the year went and i hope my family can be healthier in 2009!
to everyone- happy new year and a happy and healthy healthy healthy 2009 to you and your family!!! take care of yourselves and your families and above all, HAVE A BLAST!!!!!!!!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
