So...

I have dated 5 girls. Ofcourse I think about all of them from time to time- it's only natural. But there is only one about whom I think with any interest beyond the physical.

I need not say who she is, only that I think about her every single day. They time during which we were going out did not just happen to be the time when we were going out, it-for me atleast- was defined by the fact that we were going out. That time was hands down the best time of my entire life, and I'll be honest, I blew it. It was entirely my fault that I'm sitting here writing this and not talking to her on the phone telling her how much I love her. But you have to cut me some slack- I was pretty messed up from my previous relationship and I just happened to pick an amazing girl for a rebound relationship.

I'll be honest. I fall easily for girls based only on the physical side of things, and I love hooking up, and I am content do to that, no strings attatched, no relationship. But for there to be more there is one quidity that must be there. And that essential element is easy, open, flowing conversation that guides itself and doesn't need coaxing. By that I mean we can talk for literally hours, never sit there going hmm.. ummmm... now what? It just comes naturally. No need to ask awkward questions to make the conversation move a little better. We had that. And I talked to her well over a year after we broke up, and we still had that. Oh, did I mention we were friends first, and that before we dated, we had that too?

We volunteered together at an animal facility- that's how we met (I've dated 3 girls from that place, so it doesn't give anything away). We used to fool around and flirt instead of doing our work. It was the most fun I think I've ever had. The smell of the cleaning product that the facility used still reminds me of her, and one scent in particular, the one that especially reminds me of her, actually almost makes me cry when I smell it.

I miss you so so much and I'm sorry for the mistakes I made. I was messed up from another relationship and I didn't understand what I was doing. I know you're not reading this, but I'll say it anyway- I love you.